I started this blog as a means of helping those who may struggle with their self image. People who are wanting to grow and learn and increase their feelings of self worth. Today however, I want to suggest a different approach…. What if we were all actively trying to help each other feel important? I know that’s a concept you would portray ‘in a perfect world’, but it has to start somewhere…. So what if we just put a small effort into making the people we are in contact with each day feel important.
In his book How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People Les Giblin discusses three ways to make people feel important. If we were to make a point of applying these concepts to our day to day lives, imagine how much it could enrich our relationships. Don’t you think that if you are making everyone else feel better, they in turn will likely make you feel better about yourself as well? Its one big circle, creating a win, win, however that circle has to have a starting point.
The first concept he presents is that you have to actually think that the person you are speaking with is important. He proposes the idea that even if you try to act like you feel that person is important to you, unless you truly believe it deep down then it won’t genuinely come across. Les Giblin states: “You can’t make the other fellow feel important in your presence if you secretly feel that he is a nobody”. You need to make a point of actively changing the way that you think about the people around you.
This concept may be difficult if it’s not something that you’ve made a point of doing. We live in a society where we are raised believing that you simply have to watch your words and actions, but we weren’t taught how to retrain our thoughts. Start by finding something about this person you can truly respect or compliment. Even the smallest point works.
Maybe this person you deal with annoys you do to the fact that they talk constantly, always interrupt, and lack on tact, however that same person might have a great sense of style that you can compliment them on. Another example might be that really shy person working administration at your office. This person is very quiet, soft spoken. She rarely voices her opinion on anything, so you don’t really know her on that level enough to compliment. However, you have experienced her incredible work ethic and organizational skills through your interactions with her at work each and every day.
If we can find that one point to compliment for each person, and focus on that, we can create that feeling of importance and respect in our minds when we are communicating with them. In turn, we are able to then genuinely express to them that we find them to be important. Imagine how much higher your feeling of self worth would be when interacting with someone that you know truly views you in that high regard.
The next concept that Les Giblin presents in his book is that in order to make people feel important, we need to ‘notice’ people. The act of being noticed goes leaps and bounds to providing someone with the pat on the back and the ego boos they need to increase their own self esteem.
Giblin states: “When someone “notices” us, he pays us a big compliment. He is saying that he recognizes our importance. He gives a big boost to our morale. We become friendlier, more cooperative and actually work harder”. Work harder? How interesting is it that something as simple as making a point of noticing that employee could very well instill a higher degree of work ethics.
This isn’t saying you have to buy gifts for everyone that you come in contact with. The act of noticing someone can be as simple as a hello or a smile. Picture this with me, if you will: You wake up one morning to find that the power had gone out so your alarm hadn’t gone off. As you are rushing to get out the door you stub your toe. You get dressed only to find a stain you had never noticed on your favourite shirt. Rushing out the door you drop your purse, spilling the contents across your front hallway. Finally getting everything together and arriving at your favourite coffee shop, you find yourself greeted with a big smile from the woman that you see there each and every morning, greeting you with an enthusiastic good morning.
Sure, she wasn’t able to fix all the events of the morning, but did that smile not brighten your day? It is that exact feeling that we should be spreading to all those that we are in contact with in our lives. It costs you nothing financially, and is very little inconvenience, but can make a HUGE difference in the life of the person that you are reaching out to.
The last concept that Giblin presents is not to lord it over other people. We are all human, and all have the same needs and desires when it comes to our basic human instincts. That means that we too need to feel important. Watch that you are not using your attempts to make other people feel important solely for selfish means. If you are doing it to increase your own importance, which as human beings we are tempted to do, the person will see through this and realize that you are not being sincere. Giblin states “Because you are a humane being and you have the same need to feel important that everyone else does, you must watch yourself to see that you do not use this basic fact about human nature to your own disadvantage”.
If each of us were to use these techniques in our day to day lives, can you imagine the impact on all those around us? I know that stating if everyone did it would be creating an ideal world, but we have heard time and time again that we need to be the change that we wish to see in the world… So let’s start today with something as simple as making everyone we interact with feel important. I promise that you will make someone’s day!
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