The Power of Making Others Feel Imporant

I started this blog as a means of helping those who may struggle with their self image. People who are wanting to grow and learn and increase their feelings of self worth. Today however, I want to suggest a different approach…. What if we were all actively trying to help each other feel important? I know that’s a concept you would portray ‘in a perfect world’, but it has to start somewhere…. So what if we just put a small effort into making the people we are in contact with each day feel important.

In his book How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People Les Giblin discusses three ways to make people feel important. If we were to make a point of applying these concepts to our day to day lives, imagine how much it could enrich our relationships. Don’t you think that if you are making everyone else feel better, they in turn will likely make you feel better about yourself as well? Its one big circle, creating a win, win, however that circle has to have a starting point.

The first concept he presents is that you have to actually think that the person you are speaking with is important. He proposes the idea that even if you try to act like you feel that person is important to you, unless you truly believe it deep down then it won’t genuinely come across. Les Giblin states: “You can’t make the other fellow feel important in your presence if you secretly feel that he is a nobody”. You need to make a point of actively changing the way that you think about the people around you.

This concept may be difficult if it’s not something that you’ve made a point of doing. We live in a society where we are raised believing that you simply have to watch your words and actions, but we weren’t taught how to retrain our thoughts. Start by finding something about this person you can truly respect or compliment. Even the smallest point works.

Maybe this person you deal with annoys you do to the fact that they talk constantly, always interrupt, and lack on tact, however that same person might have a great sense of style that you can compliment them on. Another example might be that really shy person working administration at your office. This person is very quiet, soft spoken. She rarely voices her opinion on anything, so you don’t really know her on that level enough to compliment. However, you have experienced her incredible work ethic and organizational skills through your interactions with her at work each and every day.

If we can find that one point to compliment for each person, and focus on that, we can create that feeling of importance and respect in our minds when we are communicating with them. In turn, we are able to then genuinely express to them that we find them to be important. Imagine how much higher your feeling of self worth would be when interacting with someone that you know truly views you in that high regard.

The next concept that Les Giblin presents in his book is that in order to make people feel important, we need to ‘notice’ people. The act of being noticed goes leaps and bounds to providing someone with the pat on the back and the ego boos they need to increase their own self esteem.

Giblin states: “When someone “notices” us, he pays us a big compliment. He is saying that he recognizes our importance. He gives a big boost to our morale. We become friendlier, more cooperative and actually work harder”. Work harder?  How interesting is it that something as simple as making a point of noticing that employee could very well instill a higher degree of work ethics.

This isn’t saying you have to buy gifts for everyone that you come in contact with. The act of noticing someone can be as simple as a hello or a smile. Picture this with me, if you will: You wake up one morning to find that the power had gone out so your alarm hadn’t gone off. As you are rushing to get out the door you stub your toe. You get dressed only to find a stain you had never noticed on your favourite shirt. Rushing out the door you drop your purse, spilling the contents across your front hallway. Finally getting everything together and arriving at your favourite coffee shop, you find yourself greeted with a big smile from the woman that you see there each and every morning, greeting you with an enthusiastic good morning.

Sure, she wasn’t able to fix all the events of the morning, but did that smile not brighten your day? It is that exact feeling that we should be spreading to all those that we are in contact with in our lives. It costs you nothing financially, and is very little inconvenience, but can make a HUGE difference in the life of the person that you are reaching out to.

The last concept that Giblin presents is not to lord it over other people. We are all human, and all have the same needs and desires when it comes to our basic human instincts. That means that we too need to feel important. Watch that you are not using your attempts to make other people feel important solely for selfish means. If you are doing it to increase your own importance, which as human beings we are tempted to do, the person will see through this and realize that you are not being sincere. Giblin states “Because you are a humane being and you have the same need to feel important that everyone else does, you must watch yourself to see that you do not use this basic fact about human nature to your own disadvantage”.

If each of us were to use these techniques in our day to day lives, can you imagine the impact on all those around us? I know that stating if everyone did it would be creating an ideal world, but we have heard time and time again that we need to be the change that we wish to see in the world… So let’s start today with something as simple as making everyone we interact with feel important. I promise that you will make someone’s day!

Gender Equality

I am going to start today’s blog in a little different fashion than usual. Rather than slowly introducing a concept I am going to start with a quote from the latest book that I am reading, and then afterwards discuss it and the impact that concept has had on my life. The book is Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage by Mark Gungor. This book was recommended to me by one of my closest friends who stated that although I’m not married, it can apply to a dating relationship just as easily, and having read about half of  the book already, I agree.

“Let me go ahead and say it: Men and women are not created equal. We are pretty defensive about equality in modern culture today, and rightly so. But when I say this about men and women, I am not suggesting that men are better than women, or that women are better than men, or that one sex should be afforded more opportunity than the other. I am saying there are differences between the sexes that must be acknowledged and understood for marriages to be successful.

People who claim the sexes are equal (or the same) are well-meaning, but do both sexes an injustice by ignoring the fundamental differences in men and women. Everything from language (using “humankind” instead of “mankind”) to fashion (unisex everything) has been redesigned in an attempt to mask the ways men and women are different. There is nothing inherently wrong with those things; in fact, they may be beneficial in confronting gender bias. But when they are the result of a quest to eliminate gender distinctions, I think that is a mistake.

Certainly, both men and women should be treated as equals in terms of respect opportunity, pay, influence, and so on, but that is political or moral equality. The essential differences in the sexes are the result of the created order and are easily demonstrated scientifically. We should not ignore or try to cover up those differences. Doing so sabotages male/female relationships. We refer to each other as the “opposite” sex for good reason. “

This is a topic that was very difficult for me for a long time. Growing up I was a bit of a ‘tom boy’ and had it in my mind that anything a guy could do, I could do and better… Each day I strived to prove that there was no difference between the male population and myself (with the obvious exception of physical make up, and that one I was ok with). I was heavily involved with martial arts, where I was clear that I was to be treated no different than my male counterparts, doing the same training, tests, and going as far as sparing the same people.

After high school I went to University, once again determined to prove that being female was not going to make me any different from the males that attended the same program. At this time my friendships began to take the same approach. I became ‘one of the guys’, hitting the bars for a cold beer, deeply in love with the sport of Hockey and all it stood for. I had very few female friends, and for the most part denied understanding or wanting to get close to females because I was determined that I was ‘more like the guys’ in almost every way.

This was only intensified when shortly after entering University I got involved in the military. Here was a chance to stand alongside the guys, train alongside the guys, and prove I could hold my own. On basic training it was quickly made clear that there were guys on our course that did not believe that women should be allowed to be involved, including one instructor. I remember setting out to make it my personal mission to prove them wrong, and have been involved for some time since successfully completing that course. Once again I was in an environment where I was ‘one of the guys’.

The big turning point came when I got involved with the business I am in now. Here it was all about men AND women… about the inherent differences, especially the strengths of each gender. Suddenly being surrounded by a group of STRONG women I was opening up to the idea of getting in touch with who I was deep down. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still not running around with my perfectly manicured nails, expecting my boyfriend to do all the heavy lifting or otherwise deemed ‘man’ work in the house… I have however begun to realize the emotional strengths of the female population.

Women have the ability to connect and understand emotions in ways that most men can’t even fathom, and those that can, will readily admit that they haven’t figured out. We were biologically designed to be care takers and due to this we are much more in tune with the friends and family around us, their needs, desires, thoughts, emotions. We are better at multi-tasking (Due to the actual make up of our brains! I’m not shooting any of you men down, just stating a scientific fact). Although we are slower to form friendships with the people we are exposed to, our friendships generally get deeper, with more open communication. Guys bond over doing nothing together (Take fishing as an example), but women bond over conversations.

What I am trying to get at with today’s post isn’t ‘here is my life story’, if that was the goal there would be  A LOT more written then what I put above. What I want you all to understand is that in a society where so many women feel they have to spend every day trying to be ‘a man’ to be accepted and successful, maybe its time that we embrace who we really are! We don’t have to become someone else, someone different… The someone we are is amazing, strong, unique, SPECIAL! You have the ability to take on the world and succeed at whatever you set your heart to as the person you are deep down.

I’m not saying don’t work on yourself, or don’t work towards personal growth. As you’ve seen in earlier posts I’m a huge advocate of that. I’m saying that the BEST you…. The one that is established through growth and understanding yourself, through hard work to build on your strengths and begin to conquer your weaknesses… the BEST you can do ANYTHING!!!!  You just have to start to learn to love you for who you are, not what you think that society wants you to be.

Although this was geared more towards my female readers, men this goes for you too. The male population also has its own unique strengths… for example men are FAR better at focusing on one single task at hand until its completed than men are, due to the same comparison of the make up of the brain that makes women better at multi-tasking.

Embrace who you are, strength it and nurture it. You have the ability to do amazing things.